Our Loving Each Other Would Not Be Now The Obstacle That It Was Then

January 19th, 2013 § 0 comments

This arti­cle in The New York Times, by Choe Sang-Hun, fascinates me:

[Jas­mine] Lee, 35, who was born Jas­mine Bacur­nay in the Philip­pines, made his­tory in April when she became the first nat­u­ral­ized cit­i­zen — and the first noneth­nic Korean — to win a seat in South Korea’s National Assem­bly. Her elec­tion reflected one of the most sig­nif­i­cant demo­graphic shifts in the country’s mod­ern his­tory, a change Ms. Lee says “Kore­ans under­stand with their brain, but have yet to embrace with their heart.”

Only a decade ago, school text­books still urged South Kore­ans to take pride in being of “one blood” and eth­ni­cally homo­ge­neous. Now, the coun­try is fac­ing the prospect of becom­ing a mul­ti­eth­nic soci­ety. While the foreign-born pop­u­la­tion is still small com­pared with that of coun­tries with a tra­di­tion of immi­gra­tion, it is enough to chal­lenge how South Kore­ans see themselves.

In 1988 – 89, when I was teach­ing Eng­lish in Seoul to the very priv­i­leged men and women who came to study at the hag­won where I worked, my stu­dents often used the phrase “one blood” when explain­ing to me why it was so impor­tant for Kore­ans to marry other Kore­ans – tra­di­tion­ally, as some­one quoted in Choe’s arti­cle puts it, “some­one born to Korean par­ents in Korea, who speaks Korean and has Korean looks and nation­al­ity. Their rea­son­ing, I remem­ber think­ing at the time, i.e., that eth­nic and cul­tural unity was the only way suc­cess­fully to main­tain Korean cul­tural iden­tity and pass their tra­di­tions on from one gen­er­a­tion to the next, sounded an awful lot like the argu­ments against inter­faith dat­ing and inter­mar­riage that were part of my Jew­ish edu­ca­tion in the United States. For my stu­dents in Seoul – no dif­fer­ently than for my fel­low Jews – this kind of exclu­siv­ity was not about impos­ing an ide­ol­ogy of racial or eth­nic purity on the rest of the world; it was about encour­ag­ing a very spe­cific kind of choice in valu­ing one’s own cul­tural and eth­nic roots.

Amongst Jews, espe­cially Ashke­nazi ortho­dox Jews – I don’t know if the same is true of Sephardim, Mizrachi or other Jew­ish comm­nu­ities – the terms of that encour­age­ment are very harsh. The scene in Fid­dler on the Roof in which Tevye dis­owns Chava because she has mar­ried Fyedka, who is not Jew­ish, epit­o­mizes this:

Nonethe­less, no mat­ter how much your heart might break for Chava or how deeply you might con­demn Tevye, there is some wis­dom in the posi­tion he takes, not in dis­own­ing his daugh­ter, but in his belief that the only way to pre­serve the Jew­ish tra­di­tion he knows is for Jews to marry other Jews. After all, if you want, in any tra­di­tional sense, to have a Jew­ish fam­ily, live accord­ing to Jew­ish val­ues, observe the Jew­ish reli­gion, it doesn’t make much sense to marry some­one who does not share those val­ues, or who is unwill­ing to make the changes nec­es­sary in her or his life that fully shar­ing them will require. This fact – that some­one who wants to can become Jew­ish – sep­a­rates the Jew­ish from the Korean ver­sion of “one blood” think­ing. Indeed, “one blood” is not an accu­rate label for how Jews see this ques­tion at all, for what­ever else may be true about the nature of Jew­ish reli­gious iden­tity – and the pro­hi­bi­tion against inter­mar­riage is a reli­gious pro­hi­bi­tion – Jews do not racial­ize it. Anti­semites might; the Nazis cer­tainly did; but as far as I know there is no main­stream Jew­ish group that sees the reli­gious aspect of being Jew­ish as akin to any of the racial or eth­nic cat­e­gories with which we are famil­iar, white, Black Asian and so on. There might be dis­agree­ment amongst Jews as to which kinds of con­ver­sions ought to be accepted as valid; there might be sus­pi­cion of con­verts in some quar­ters and even dis­crim­i­na­tion against them; but the idea that con­ver­sion is pos­si­ble and that con­verts ought to be accepted fully as “nat­u­ral­ized” mem­bers of the Jew­ish reli­gious com­mu­nity is not a con­tro­ver­sial one in and of itself.

Not so in Korea, where the resis­tance to the mul­ti­cul­tural, multiethnic/racial inte­gra­tion rep­re­sented by peo­ple like Ms. Lee makes clear just how deeply racial­ized Korean iden­tity is. This, again, is from Choe’s article:

After Ms. Lee’s elec­tion, anti-immigration activists warned that “poi­so­nous weeds” from abroad were “cor­rupt­ing the Korean blood­line” and “exter­mi­nat­ing the Korean nation,” and urged polit­i­cal par­ties to “purify” them­selves by expelling Ms. Lee from the National Assem­bly.… “[Peo­ple like Ms. Lee] bring reli­gious and eth­nic strife to our coun­try, where we had none before,” said Kim Ky-baek, pub­lisher of the nation­al­ist Web site Min­jok­corea. “They cre­ate an obsta­cle to national uni­fi­ca­tion. North Korea adheres to pure-blood nation­al­ism, while the South is turn­ing into a hodge­podge of mixed blood.”

The rhetoric, of course, is very sim­i­lar to the white suprema­cist rhetoric you still hear in the United States, stated explic­itly on the fringes and then more and more sub­tly coded as it gets closer and closer to the cen­ter, but it’s not the par­al­lels to our own, home­grown vari­eties of racism and xeno­pho­bia that has drawn me to write about this arti­cle. Rather, it’s the way the arti­cle brought back to me my own, heart-breaking expe­ri­ence with the “one blood” ide­ol­ogy and the havoc and poten­tial ruin it caused in the life of a woman I loved.

The entire story is too long to tell here, so I will start in the mid­dle. I returned to Korea in the sum­mer of 1990 to see once more the mar­ried woman with whom I’d fallen in love the pre­vi­ous year. To tell you how Yoon and I came to be lovers will require an entire post unto itself, so I will say here, sim­ply, that I did not pur­sue her; nor, really, did she start out to pur­sue me. Rather, we became friends first because she sought me out as some­one she could talk to about how unhappy she was in her mar­riage, so unhappy that she’d con­tem­plated sui­cide. She’d tried to talk with her fam­ily and friends about it, but because her hus­band was not abu­sive and was, in fact, by the stan­dards of the time, really quite lib­eral for a Korean man, the pri­mary response that Yoon received was that she should stop com­plain­ing, con­sider her­self lucky to be mar­ried to him, and focus on being a good wife and mother.

It was, in other words, out of a kind of des­per­a­tion that she sought me out – I’d been her teacher – and while, in hind­sight, I can see how agree­ing to be her friend under these cir­cum­stances might have made our sex­ual and roman­tic involve­ment inevitable, that was the far­thest thing from my mind when we sat down in the Char­lie Chap­lain cof­fee shop around the cor­ner from the school where I taught. Equally to the point, I believed her then – and con­tinue to believe her now, even though she is long gone from my life – that she did not set out to seduce me. Any­way, I will tell the entirety of this story another time. What I want to tell you about here is what when Yoon and I were out to din­ner that sum­mer in 1990 – her hus­band was trav­el­ing – and she told me that, had I asked her to come with me the pre­vi­ous sum­mer when I returned to the US, she would have said yes with­out hesitation. “I wanted to ask you,” I said, “but I had no way of sup­port­ing you. We would have had no place to live; I did not have a job. It would have been a disaster.” This was com­pletely true. When I came back from Korea in the sum­mer of 1989, I moved in with my grand­mother. I sim­ply could not imag­ine show­ing up on her doorstep with a Korean woman and her five-year-old daugh­ter in tow – because I could not imag­ine that Yoon would leave her daugh­ter behind as well. “Hi! I’m back. Meet my new family.”

By the time we were sit­ting in that restau­rant in the sum­mer of 1990, how­ever, I did have a job, and a place to live, and I believed I could – I was more than ready to – sup­port her and her daugh­ter no mat­ter what it took to do so. I was ready to marry her. “If you still feel the same way,” I told her, assum­ing that she would of course under­stand my invi­ta­tion to include her daugh­ter, “if you are still as unhappy as you were, come back with me when I go home.” I don’t remem­ber exactly how it came to be that Yoon told me yes, though I know she did not give me her answer that night. I do remem­ber well, how­ever, the moment she told me that she would not be bring­ing her daugh­ter. We were walk­ing around Seokchun Lake at sun­set talk­ing about what our lives would be like in New York. We stopped in a secluded area to sit for a few min­utes, and I said some­thing about reg­is­ter­ing her daugh­ter for school once we got to New York. Yoon looked away and explained that she would not – could not, actu­ally – bring her daugh­ter with us. Sim­ply put, it would have been kid­nap­ping. At that time in Korea, in the event of divorce, fathers retained sole cus­tody of their children. I was dev­as­tated. Had I known this, I would never have asked Yoon to come with me, but this also is not the part of the story that Choe’s arti­cle brought me back to, and so you will have to wait for another post to hear about it.

Rather, the moment that read­ing Choe’s arti­cle made me relive was the night Yoon brought me to the build­ing where her older sis­ter lived so that she could show me to her. On the way there, Yoon explained that she’d been talk­ing to her sib­lings a lot since she’d decided to come with me, and she was pretty sure she’d con­vinced them that leav­ing her hus­band was the right thing for her to do. Nonetheless, once we got to her sister’s build­ing, Yoon asked me to wait out of sight on the land­ing just below the apart­ment. She didn’t know who else was going to be there and she didn’t want to take any chances. Yoon knocked and her sis­ter came to the door; the two women exchanged a few words; and then Yoon called for me to show myself. When I stepped into view, her sister’s eyes went wide with shock and her mouth quiv­ered with hatred and dis­gust. Clearly Yoon had not told her that I was migook saram, an Amer­i­can. “Go!” She screamed and Yoon trans­lated the rest for me later. “Be an American’s whore! May your daugh­ter do the same.”

Yoon, I think, had expected this response, or at least it had not sur­prised her. I, in my naïveté, had been com­pletely unpre­pared, though I have some­times thought that maybe her inten­tion had been all along to strip away any illu­sions I might have had about what her choice to be with me would cost her. I would watch Yoon bear the bur­den of that cost over the sev­eral months that she lived with me after she arrived in the United States; and when she told me she would have to move out of my apart­ment, I under­stood it was largely that bur­den that moti­vated her, and when I received in the mail the Korean Air­lines fre­quent flyer cards that she had sent to my address – as, I am sure, a way of let­ting me know she’d gone back to Korea – I knew the bur­den had finally grown more heavy than she could bear.

I am still haunted by the fact that I never got the chance to say good­bye to her.

I often won­der what this story sounds like when Yoon tells it. She and I never had a chance to come to terms together with what we’d done, and it may very well be that the sense she has made of our bro­ken attempt to be together bears no resem­blance at all to the sense I have made, and am still mak­ing, of it. Nonethe­less, how­ever true it may be that I acted out of an arro­gant, self­ish, and self-delusional naïveté in think­ing that I could so eas­ily make a life with Yoon and her daugh­ter here in the US, it is also true that lov­ing her, that her lov­ing me, unleashed upon her – and no doubt within her as well – the fury of a cul­ture hell-bent on pre­vent­ing that kind of love from infil­trat­ing its borders. I regret many things about my deci­sion to ask Yoon to come with me to the United States, and I often wish I had that moment to do over, but I do not regret lov­ing her; I do not regret one sec­ond of the time I spent with her in Korea.

This is why Choe’s arti­cle struck such a chord with me, I think: because it means that a mixed cou­ple, like Yoon and me, could fight to be together in Korea in a way that was not really pos­si­ble when I was there. I am not try­ing to dis­miss or triv­i­al­ize the dif­fi­cul­ties and com­plex­i­ties, the moral and eth­i­cal ques­tions that our rela­tion­ship was tan­gled up in because she was mar­ried and she had a child; I am sim­ply acknowl­edg­ing that, it seems, the sim­ple fact of our lov­ing each other would not be now the obsta­cle that it was then. And that can only be a good thing.

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